Email: from The Short Third Man (shortthirdman@hotmail.com)
to Lalit Modi (lalitkmodi@ipl.com)
Hi Lalit
Sorry about hearing you lost your job. I feel pretty bad about comparing you to Hitler and Allen Stanford, and now you're gone I feel like there will be something missing from future IPLs. Namely a schmoozing prat who likes to text two people at the same time while ignoring the cricket and making loads of money out of everything. I guess that's sort of why you got sacked. Anyway, as some form of consolation, in a show of solidarity with you I've decided not to blog, mention or even think about the IPL for the next 12 months (or until the next auction comes around).
Cheers - good luck finding a new job (that is happy for tax fiddlers to work there)
The Short Third Man
Email: from Postmaster (postmaster@ipl.com)
to The Short Third Man (shortthirdman@hotmail.com)
Hello
Your email could not reach it's destination as the email address has been suspended. We advise that you redirect your email to xox_lalitbbz_xox@hotmail.com.
Thank you
IPL Postmaster
Email: from The Short Third Man (shortthirdman@hotmail.com)
to Lalit Modi (xox_lalitbbz_xox@hotmail.com)
Hey Lalit. I wrote some stuff about how I'm sorry for you and how I'm sorry I compared you to the worst man ever (and Hitler), but then I was told your old email doesn't exist. Bit like your old job. Sorry about that.
Keep in touch,
Short
Email: from Lalit Modi (xox_lalitbbz_xox@hotmail.com)
to The Short Third Man (shortthirdman@hotmail.com)
Hello Short.
You had attached your first email, so I got it. Thanks for your kind words. However, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that I have been suspended from my role pending a lawsuit. I hope to sell the rights to my trial to StarSports in the next few months. I am currently enjoying my stay at the "Tanesa Hills Spa and Resort" (For the best in quality relaxation whilst waiting to be formally sacked, go to Tanesa Hills), and look forward to having my name cleared.
Regards,
Lalit Modi
Lalit Modi's emails are sponsored by Positive Parents Confident Kids coaching - because kids don't come with a handbook!
Email: from The Short Third Man (shortthirdman@hotmail.com)
to Lalit Modi (xox_lalitbbz_xox@hotmail.com)
Yeah, we can all dream!
Short
Showing posts with label Lalit Modi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lalit Modi. Show all posts
Monday, 26 April 2010
Friday, 23 April 2010
End of the road-y for Modi?
So it looks like Lalit Modi's empire is crashing down around him. When even your number two is telling the media that he wouldn't mind if you were sacked, you know your probably on the way out. He's always looked a bit shifty, that Modi. My mantra of never trusting someone who uses two blackberries at the same time is clearly been proven.
While this post will be incredibly libellous and may well mean any of my future visa applications to India will be rejected, is anyone really that surprised that Lalit's been fiddling the funds? Sure, nothing's been proved, but he's a wealthy businessman who is in charge of a Twenty20 league. The last one is now in some Texan jail. And that's not the only parallel with Stanford.
To be honest, I don't really understand the scandal. By the sound of it, Lalit posted something on his Twitter revealing that someone's girlfriend gave him some money for a cricket team. This has upset some people, and now that person has had to resign, but this has led to further investigations on the teams, sponsors and broadcasters. And as Lalit was taken in for questioning last week by the tax men, it's not looking good for Mr Modi. As always, the accused has pleaded his innocence, and no doubt the results of any investigations will come to light in future months. However, it would be very difficult either way for Lalit to continue his career. Background scheming from behind Modi (where meetings have been arranged without Modi invited) shows that he will most likely lose his position as IPL Commissioner, and anyone with even a whiff of irregularities about them will have trouble getting any cricketing or business position in the future.
While I have not been Lalit Modi's biggest fan (far from it), you've got to admire his entrepreneurialism, and the fact that he took T20 - a format unsupported in India to the "greatest show on Earth" in the IPL. And whatever you think about whack-it, he's the only person to bring the world's finest together for what is essentially a domestic tournament. While he has undoubtably built up far too much power within the cricketing world, it's never great to see the end of a man's career in the public eye - especially in a country like India where any cricketing news (especially this big) is 24 hour news. Part of me will like watching the smug smirk wiped off Lalit's face, and that there won't be fawning sycophants all over him during IPL games, but my part of my conscious will miss him when he's gone. Lalit Modi won't be IPL Commissioner forever, but his name will live on in cricketing annals. So that's something to console him as he whiles away the next 40 years playing golf.
While this post will be incredibly libellous and may well mean any of my future visa applications to India will be rejected, is anyone really that surprised that Lalit's been fiddling the funds? Sure, nothing's been proved, but he's a wealthy businessman who is in charge of a Twenty20 league. The last one is now in some Texan jail. And that's not the only parallel with Stanford.
To be honest, I don't really understand the scandal. By the sound of it, Lalit posted something on his Twitter revealing that someone's girlfriend gave him some money for a cricket team. This has upset some people, and now that person has had to resign, but this has led to further investigations on the teams, sponsors and broadcasters. And as Lalit was taken in for questioning last week by the tax men, it's not looking good for Mr Modi. As always, the accused has pleaded his innocence, and no doubt the results of any investigations will come to light in future months. However, it would be very difficult either way for Lalit to continue his career. Background scheming from behind Modi (where meetings have been arranged without Modi invited) shows that he will most likely lose his position as IPL Commissioner, and anyone with even a whiff of irregularities about them will have trouble getting any cricketing or business position in the future.
While I have not been Lalit Modi's biggest fan (far from it), you've got to admire his entrepreneurialism, and the fact that he took T20 - a format unsupported in India to the "greatest show on Earth" in the IPL. And whatever you think about whack-it, he's the only person to bring the world's finest together for what is essentially a domestic tournament. While he has undoubtably built up far too much power within the cricketing world, it's never great to see the end of a man's career in the public eye - especially in a country like India where any cricketing news (especially this big) is 24 hour news. Part of me will like watching the smug smirk wiped off Lalit's face, and that there won't be fawning sycophants all over him during IPL games, but my part of my conscious will miss him when he's gone. Lalit Modi won't be IPL Commissioner forever, but his name will live on in cricketing annals. So that's something to console him as he whiles away the next 40 years playing golf.
Monday, 12 April 2010
The Maths of the IPL
Whilst flicking through Twitter earlier, I saw some tweets from Lalit Modi speaking of how great this year's IPL has been. To be perfectly honest, I have lost all interest in the tournament. Even Cricinfo, who had pictures, reports and comment on the IPL plastered over the front page for the first 8 months of the tournament have now news on the county championship. Which has been where my attention has been.
For the first part of the IPL, I was aware of what was going on. I dipped in and out of matches, but knew the scores, tables and results. I knew David Warner was in good form and that Michael Lumb was flattering to decieve. I knew that the Mumbai Indians were on top and the Kings XI Punjab only had a fat bloke and had no chance. I even had a favourite team; the Delhi Daredevils. I got into the IPL spirit; watching the awful karaoke video (and blogging about it). I had grown used to the constant adverts, the DLF Maximums, and even the MRF blimp. While I wasn't the IPL's biggest fan, I was more of a fan than most, and was sort-of enjoying it.
On Friday, the county championship started. On Saturday, Steven Finn took 9/37. Also on Saturday was the golf from Augusta, and Chelsea playing at Wembley in the FA Cup semi-final. The IPL was relegated so far down my list of sporting priorities that it no longer registered. I didn't know who was playing, and to be honest, I didn't care.
The IPL has gone on far too long, and while many matches = many millions in Lalit's pocket, the simple equation of many matches x start of county season + boredom = lack of interest in the IPL. The IPL as a tournament could be brilliant; it has the best players in the world all playing together for a prolonged period of time. However, if the competition was not focussed on making money, and instead it was focussed on being a great tournament, it could be the best cricketing spectacle ever. If the number of games was halved; with 3 or 4 played a day, it could be crammed into a neat 2 week slot, with semis and a final at the end. The overkill of the IPL will continue next year, as two new teams have been added to the roster. Two new teams = 36 more games = even more boredom. The shelf life of the IPL is unknown, and while India will always be fanatical about it, the rest of the world is in danger of switching off. And this = bad times for Lalit.
For the first part of the IPL, I was aware of what was going on. I dipped in and out of matches, but knew the scores, tables and results. I knew David Warner was in good form and that Michael Lumb was flattering to decieve. I knew that the Mumbai Indians were on top and the Kings XI Punjab only had a fat bloke and had no chance. I even had a favourite team; the Delhi Daredevils. I got into the IPL spirit; watching the awful karaoke video (and blogging about it). I had grown used to the constant adverts, the DLF Maximums, and even the MRF blimp. While I wasn't the IPL's biggest fan, I was more of a fan than most, and was sort-of enjoying it.
On Friday, the county championship started. On Saturday, Steven Finn took 9/37. Also on Saturday was the golf from Augusta, and Chelsea playing at Wembley in the FA Cup semi-final. The IPL was relegated so far down my list of sporting priorities that it no longer registered. I didn't know who was playing, and to be honest, I didn't care.
The IPL has gone on far too long, and while many matches = many millions in Lalit's pocket, the simple equation of many matches x start of county season + boredom = lack of interest in the IPL. The IPL as a tournament could be brilliant; it has the best players in the world all playing together for a prolonged period of time. However, if the competition was not focussed on making money, and instead it was focussed on being a great tournament, it could be the best cricketing spectacle ever. If the number of games was halved; with 3 or 4 played a day, it could be crammed into a neat 2 week slot, with semis and a final at the end. The overkill of the IPL will continue next year, as two new teams have been added to the roster. Two new teams = 36 more games = even more boredom. The shelf life of the IPL is unknown, and while India will always be fanatical about it, the rest of the world is in danger of switching off. And this = bad times for Lalit.
Monday, 29 March 2010
An excerpt from Lalit Modi's Diary
When not making money or idly chatting at cricket matches, IPL commissioner Lalit Modi likes to relax by keeping a diary. In a world exclusive, The Short Third Man is able to bring you a chapter from Lalit's Secret Diary.
Monday 29th March
While I have been pleased with the way the IPL has been going, it has been brought to my attention that not everything in the match has been sponsored yet. This has seriously restricted the earning potential of the IPL in the last 3 years. While chatting to some people at the game earlier, we came up with some unsponsored things which we could emblazen some logos on.
Balls - a no-brainer. The most crucial part of a cricket match - and the cameras are always focusing on it. Will speak to contacts regarding having a 'Sony Sphere of Bounce'
The Sky - always above the stadium. Plenty of advertising space. (Note: already have MRF blimp. More blimps? Or sponsor clouds?)
Players Names - no reason why individual players can't be sponsored. Will speak to Gautam to see whether he would be interested in being called Gam - Cobra Beer.
Dot Balls - doesn't happen very often, but no reason why a company couldn't sponsor it. The "Axis Bank Moment of No Runs" has a ring to it, doesn't it?
Rain Breaks - again, not very often, but if there is a rain delay, no doubt we could earn millions by calling it the "Tata Precipitation Pause". And TV time could be used to show more ads.
Drinks Breaks - not common in T20, but could shoehorn two or three an innings in if we called it a "Red Bull Moment of Refreshment".
Tactical Time Out - sure, we already have a Maxx Mobile Strategic Time Out, but some suckers would definately want to pay us to call something which takes the TV to adverts after them.
Hairstyles - brands could colour or shave things into their respective players hair for money - and we could do a deal to name our favourite hairstyle the "Reliance Industries Hairstyle of Success". (Note: would Ishant Sharma be allowed to win this every game?)
Lalit's Vision
Monday 29th March
While I have been pleased with the way the IPL has been going, it has been brought to my attention that not everything in the match has been sponsored yet. This has seriously restricted the earning potential of the IPL in the last 3 years. While chatting to some people at the game earlier, we came up with some unsponsored things which we could emblazen some logos on.
Balls - a no-brainer. The most crucial part of a cricket match - and the cameras are always focusing on it. Will speak to contacts regarding having a 'Sony Sphere of Bounce'
The Sky - always above the stadium. Plenty of advertising space. (Note: already have MRF blimp. More blimps? Or sponsor clouds?)
Players Names - no reason why individual players can't be sponsored. Will speak to Gautam to see whether he would be interested in being called Gam - Cobra Beer.
Dot Balls - doesn't happen very often, but no reason why a company couldn't sponsor it. The "Axis Bank Moment of No Runs" has a ring to it, doesn't it?
Rain Breaks - again, not very often, but if there is a rain delay, no doubt we could earn millions by calling it the "Tata Precipitation Pause". And TV time could be used to show more ads.
Drinks Breaks - not common in T20, but could shoehorn two or three an innings in if we called it a "Red Bull Moment of Refreshment".
Tactical Time Out - sure, we already have a Maxx Mobile Strategic Time Out, but some suckers would definately want to pay us to call something which takes the TV to adverts after them.
Hairstyles - brands could colour or shave things into their respective players hair for money - and we could do a deal to name our favourite hairstyle the "Reliance Industries Hairstyle of Success". (Note: would Ishant Sharma be allowed to win this every game?)
Lalit's Vision
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Oh, it's the IPL...
It's difficult to write the obligatory IPL blog (or IPL3 as this year's event will be hereforth known) as quite honestly I am not excited about it. I have been weighing up the pros and cons of staying up until 3am to watch the start of the Bangladesh-England test, but have payed no attention to the hype surrounding the start of the IPL. To be quite honest, I don't even know who's playing. Or any of the star players for any of the teams. It's not that I am against the IPL, it is just that I don't really care.
I know that this must be sacreligious for an internet cricket blog to not pick a pro or anti-IPL viewpoint. All of the Indian blogs are no doubt detailing each team, player, and security guard; whilst many English, Australian and South African blogs are ridiculing the cheerleaders, glitter and Lalit Modi. However, I am not going to be doing that either.
I sat down (well, lay down) to write this blog grudgingly, knowing it would have to be saying something about the IPL. Despite the many interesting things currently happening in world cricket; England touring Bangladesh, Zimbabwe touring the West Indies, Australia touring New Zealand, the PCB shooting themselves in the place where their foot used to be, Michael Clarke looking for nude photos of his girlfriend; the IPL starts tomorrow, and should take centre stage. Because Lalit Modi said so. But why should it? Just because loads of Indian businessmen I've never heard of and some woman who used to be in Big Brother have thrown loads of money at something, doesn't make it particularly interesting or enjoyable. Ultimately, the IPL is an Indian domestic competition, just like the KFC Big Bash or the MTN40 (I had to look that one up). And as such, I am treating it with the same apathy as any overseas domestic competition.
It's not that I wouldn't enjoy it if I watched it. Last year, whilst incapacitated with illness (possibly ebola, probably swine flu) I actually watched the events from South Africa. And for the most part, they were fairly interesting. I was watching as Flintoff got injured, and I was watching as Pietersen got injured. I also watched as Paul Collingwood and Owais Shah sat on the bench throughout. And then the English players went home and I stopped watching (I was better by then). I only really showed interest in the games involving players I had interest in, and no disrespect to your Roelof van der Merwes, but there were plenty of players who I didn't care about. My reason for not paying attention to the IPL is simple: there is nothing really drawing me in. Just like watching a game of French league football - it could be a perfectly fine game full of well paid players showing good skills, but if there are no players I know I won't watch it. Which is ultimately why I won't be watching this years IPL.
While I will no doubt succumb and flick through a few highlights on ITV4, the IPL lacks something to succesfully maintain my interest, and I'm guessing, the interest of the world at large (outside India). Over the next five days, the only cricket I'll be watching will be Bangladesh v England.
OK, probably the next three days...
I know that this must be sacreligious for an internet cricket blog to not pick a pro or anti-IPL viewpoint. All of the Indian blogs are no doubt detailing each team, player, and security guard; whilst many English, Australian and South African blogs are ridiculing the cheerleaders, glitter and Lalit Modi. However, I am not going to be doing that either.
I sat down (well, lay down) to write this blog grudgingly, knowing it would have to be saying something about the IPL. Despite the many interesting things currently happening in world cricket; England touring Bangladesh, Zimbabwe touring the West Indies, Australia touring New Zealand, the PCB shooting themselves in the place where their foot used to be, Michael Clarke looking for nude photos of his girlfriend; the IPL starts tomorrow, and should take centre stage. Because Lalit Modi said so. But why should it? Just because loads of Indian businessmen I've never heard of and some woman who used to be in Big Brother have thrown loads of money at something, doesn't make it particularly interesting or enjoyable. Ultimately, the IPL is an Indian domestic competition, just like the KFC Big Bash or the MTN40 (I had to look that one up). And as such, I am treating it with the same apathy as any overseas domestic competition.
It's not that I wouldn't enjoy it if I watched it. Last year, whilst incapacitated with illness (possibly ebola, probably swine flu) I actually watched the events from South Africa. And for the most part, they were fairly interesting. I was watching as Flintoff got injured, and I was watching as Pietersen got injured. I also watched as Paul Collingwood and Owais Shah sat on the bench throughout. And then the English players went home and I stopped watching (I was better by then). I only really showed interest in the games involving players I had interest in, and no disrespect to your Roelof van der Merwes, but there were plenty of players who I didn't care about. My reason for not paying attention to the IPL is simple: there is nothing really drawing me in. Just like watching a game of French league football - it could be a perfectly fine game full of well paid players showing good skills, but if there are no players I know I won't watch it. Which is ultimately why I won't be watching this years IPL.
While I will no doubt succumb and flick through a few highlights on ITV4, the IPL lacks something to succesfully maintain my interest, and I'm guessing, the interest of the world at large (outside India). Over the next five days, the only cricket I'll be watching will be Bangladesh v England.
OK, probably the next three days...
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