Heroes
Adam Gilchrist - My favourite cricketer to smack me on the head. Narrowly beating Scott Newman into second.
Tim Bresnan - My favourite nan.
Graham Onions - Solid defence, better nickname.
Matt Prior - What. A. Beard.
Paul Collingwood - Nuggety.
Alastair Cook - He throws like a girl, and runs like a cowboy. What a lot of runs.
Steven Finn - The tallest man in the world, ever. Good bowler, too.
Jimmy Anderson - Inspiration for my haircut.
Eoin Morgan - He's just brilliant.
Andrew Strauss - He's won three Ashes. What a hero.
Andrew Flintoff - Not bad for a fat lad.
Graeme Swann - A hero on an incredible amount of levels.
Dirk Nannes - Saxophone playing skiier. And he played for Middlesex before everyone else knew he was cool.
Dan Vettori - Doing it for the nerds.
Joe Denly - The best thing to come out of Kent since Rob Key.
Rob Key - The best thing to come out of Kent since the hedgehog pie.
Jason Roy - He called me "freckles" at school. Friends on Facebook.
Michael Lumb - Cool for a Saffer. I nearly spilt ice cream on him.
Mahmudullah - Great name.
Mushfiqur Rahim - Can't keep, but fun to watch. Also hilariously short.
Phil Hughes - Middlesex discovered him.
Shaun Udal - Shaggy says relax.
Tamim Iqbal - Master blaster.
Tim Murtagh - Murts for
Marcus Trescothick - Banger. Good book too.
Jonathan Trott - Every England win is always Trott's Fault.
Ian Bell - He's gone from my most hated player to one of my favourites, which is a real achievement.
Monty Panesar - Sick bro!
Alfonso Thomas - The great Alfonso; the king of twenty20.
Brendan Nash - We all dream of a team of Brendan Nash. Well, I do.
Doug Bollinger - We all need a bit of Rug in our lives.
Gareth Berg - The Jesus of County Cricket (Copyright Wes)
Jade Dernbach - For a South African Surrey player with tattoos, I quite like him.
Kevin O'Brien - He hits sixes.
Craig Kieswetter - Man of the match as England win a World final. Not bad.
Kumar Sangakkara - Truly the King of cricket. (Note - not King Cricket).
Nathan Hauritz - He's likeable, in a harmless sort of way.
Paul Stirling - The man with the most potatoey head in the world. Very weathered.
Ricky Ponting - Aw mate. I don't mind him.
Samit Patel - "It's funny cause he's fat"
Shane Watson - I know I shouldn't like him, but I just do.
Steven Davies - Good keeper, lot of courage.
Tharanga Paranavitana - Best name in cricket.
Zeroes
Andrew Symonds - Every run he scored was lucky. Especially in that 150 at the MCG.
Brad Haddin - He even appeals a catch down the leg-side (even a wide)
Mitchell Johnson - Bowls to the left, and the right.
Salman Butt - He makes a good ice cream
Kieron Pollard - For no other reason than his name is pronounced wrong.
Harbhajan - Wears long sleeves for no other reason...
Peter Siddle - Stupid beard, upturned collard. Never a good combo.
Roelof van der Merwe - Appears to be the least talented player to ever play internationally.
Rory Hamilton-Brown - Captain of Surrey. It's a given.
Shiv Chanderpaul - He started that stupid bail thing.
Wahab Riaz - Likes coats.
Luke Wright - Still no idea why he's playing for England.
Stuart Broad - Learn to appeal, you dick.
Ben Hilfenhaus - He's got an incredibly annoying horsey face.
Chris Gayle - Hates test cricket.
Imran Tahir - Should never have kissed the Proteas badge.
Lasith Malinga - Turned down tests for a few quid.
Steve Smith - The lovechild of Shane Warne and Miss Piggy.
Last updated 17/7/11. It's probably changed a lot since then...
